


Choice and Regret

by lostinmymindforever



Series: The Choices We Make [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Betrayal, M/M, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 09:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinmymindforever/pseuds/lostinmymindforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John made a lot of choices that he regrets when it comes to Sam and Dean</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choice and Regret

They say that you can’t tell if a male is gonna be an alpha, an omega, or a beta until they hit puberty. John Winchester knows that’s a lie. 

They say that alpha’s don’t chose their mates until they are older. They say that even if both an alpha and an omega are born into the same family that they won’t end up together. More lies.

John knew what his sons were the minute his four year old Dean held his newborn baby brother Sam in his arms for the first time. He heard Dean whisper in his tiny little voice, “Mine”, and it killed him a little inside.

He tried to ignore it. Tried to pretend that his boys were betas like him, but after his wife’s death, and Dean became even more protective and possessive of Sam, he knew he couldn’t let it go on.

And so he made a choice.

By the time Dean hit puberty he’d been feeding them suppressors for years. Because John was damned if he let his boys become involved, damned if he let their base instincts take over. He kept his secret, doing whatever it took to make sure they’d never find out. 

Their teenage years were tough, Dean constantly searching for something that was right in front of him, not knowing that all he needed was right under his nose the entire time.

John watched them, watched as they grew, watched as their lives became so entwined that it was hard to see where Dean ended and Sam began.

Sam leaving for college should have made things better, it should have made things right. But somehow Dean found out, found out about the suppressors, found out about how John had purposely kept them apart.

John had never been more terrified than when Dean turned on him, lashing out with years of pain and anger. He could see the hurt and betrayal on his eldest’s face and knew he’d done that, he’d been the one to break Dean as he had.

Dean hitting him had come as a shock, but he knew he deserved it. And when he came to, and found Dean and all his belongings gone, John knew he had no one to blame but himself.

He knew where Dean had gone. To Sam. To the only person he’d ever loved, to his mate, to the one thing John had purposely kept him from for most of his life.

By the time he tracked the boys down everything had changed. Sam had dropped out of college and he and Dean had found a small place to live. Sam was starting to show already, pregnant with his brother’s child. 

John couldn’t remember ever seeing Sam smile that much, that truthfully, as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He watched as Dean took Sam into his arms, kissing him softly, tenderly, full of passion and devotion.

The looks on their faces reminded him so much of the way he and Mary used to look at each other, like they were the only thing in the world that mattered. And it broke him.

He’d stolen this from them, taking away what both of them so desperately needed, refusing to allow his boys this sort of happiness.

John drove away from them, regret coursing through him. He’d failed, failed as a father, failed to protect them. He’d betrayed them both, and he knew he’d never have their full trust again. So he threw himself back into his quest to find the bastard who had killed their mother.

They hadn’t seen him, he’d been hidden. 

Every few months he’d make his way back to them, watching from the distance. They were happy, at peace, and John swore he’d do whatever he could to make sure they could keep that peace.

He wanted to go to them, to apologize, but he knew his words wouldn’t be listened to, that they’d turn their backs on him. He deserved that after what he had done.

Sam belonged to Dean, just as much as Dean belonged to Sam. They were each others other half, they’d always been. Nothing anyone could do would change that fact.

John eventually found and destroyed the bastard that had killed Mary, but the battle had been hard and had left him close to dead.

There was so much he regretted, things he’d done, things he hadn’t. But the thing he regretted the most was causing the rift between his sons and himself. He’d never gotten a chance to meet his grandchildren, a little girl and a little boy.

He thought he was going to die, and accepted that fact. So when he woke in a bed he was confused. He was greeted by a smiling face, a little girl almost 2 years old, one he hadn’t gotten a chance to see up close before. Looking around he realized he was at Bobby’s house.

The child crawled off the bed, running out of the room, calling for Daddy and Papa. John swallowed hard when he heard footsteps walk into the room and sat up as much as he could to see Sam and Dean.

The little girl was in Dean’s arms, her pudgy little arms wrapped around his neck, and her brother was in Sam’s arms, sleeping the way only an infant could.

“You’re awake,” Dean said, his voice holding a note of anger, but more pain and years of frustration and sorrow.

“Dean. Sam,” John began, not really knowing what it was he wanted to say to them. What could he? He’d done this, he’d been the one to break them apart.

“We’re still angry at you, Dad. But you’re family. And these two need you. I’m not sure if we can fix what you did to me and Dean, but these two need their grandfather,” Sam said, his voice tired, as if he hadn’t slept much and had been crying.

The baby in his arms started squirming, fussing a bit as if he knew his papa was upset.

“Shh, it’s okay, Little One, rest, Sweetie,” Dean said, leaning over a bit, kissing the boy on the forehead. 

John swallowed hard, tears threatening to fall. “I’ll do whatever I can to fix things, Sam, Dean. I know I don’t deserve a second chance.”

Dean and Sam nodded, the little girl in Dean’s arms starting to squirm.

“Down,” she said softly.

When Dean put her down she crawled onto the bed next to John, a smile on her little face. “I’m Mary. That’s Johnny,” she pointed at the baby.

John felt like the breath had been pulled out of his lungs, and he felt the tears he’d been holding back finally fall. “Hey there, Kiddo. I’m your...” he didn’t know how to continue, if he had the right to call himself her grandfather.

“You’re Grandpa John,” she giggled, throwing her little arms around him and hugging him tight. 

He nodded, “Yeah, that I am.”

He smiled at his sons, for the first time seeing them as men and not the boys he had raised, not the boys he had tried so desperately to keep apart, but as a mated pair that was meant to be.

John wasn’t sure how he could fix the damage he’d caused, but whatever it took he knew he’d do what was needed to be there for his family. He had no other choice.


End file.
